New Year’s Ruminations

Has the light gone out from underneath my door?

Yes, it has long since been out. I have closed the windows, drawn the curtains, turned on the fans.  The phone has been switched off. I have crawled onto my bed, hidden beneath the blankets. And then, I wait. For exactly two hours. Eyes open, sweaty, breathing with sighs in between. I reach over for the water jug when the first of the fire crackers go off.

KABOOM! BAM! BAM! BOOM! My scream goes unheard. It becomes nothing but a background melody drowned out by the rock bands of New Year’s Eve. I hate New Year’s Eve. But that doesn’t make me an anti-social element in this bubble of….fun.

The fireworks go on. The neighbourhood kids are on the streets, bursting cracker after cracker. The noise….Oh, the noise is so bad. I curse. I put a pillow over my head. I hate New Year’s Eve.

People roar. It is worse than the fireworks. I can hear motorbikes rush in and out of the dark….the high pitch of petrol burning in the engines, whooshing to the dark death of night. I hate New Year’s Eve.

What did I do? What did I do to earn the wrath of society? My hatred of all these things that looked to me more like a time of ruminations- of a yearlong of misery- could not be concealed in the smiles I wore. The thought that there was more in life to be sad about that be happy at was not exactly something to pop a balloon about, or drink wine about or to dance till the ankles got twisted. I am a pessimist. Pessimists hate New year’ Eve.

But that’s only for six months of the year. The other six months, I sleep to my heart’s content, I do well at school, and I am fine. That makes me happy. And that should make me happy enough to celebrate New Year’s Eve.

What does the year have to teach? Have I looked into that? Have I changed the page on the calendar? Forget that, have I replaced it at all? Confusion. But there is a good side. The sane side. Where I’d love to relax and look forward to turning a new leaf.

I know you can relate. And you know why I hate New Year’s Eve as much as I love it.

One Response to New Year’s Ruminations

  1. Padmanabhan Thikkodi says:

    As usual, this was also a very good reading experience… congrats, Aiswarya..

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